What to do when people use bad language against you?

Arnold Yasin Mol · Post by **Arnold Yasin Mol** » Wed Mar 14, 2007 9:55 am

Question:
Brother, I have very important question. You know growing up as a youngster nowadays brings some problems. Alot of people today have very bad language, use to say bad words. Many people say bad words against others family, like to one's mother or sister. I use to beat up the person who say bad words against my family.
My question is:

What would you do when a person say bad words against your family. For example bad words against a mother?

Answer:

Salaam Aleikum,

When a person uses a bad word, it means they feel their position threatened by you or your family. His feeling of weakness makes him/her thus resort to bad language, with this they hope to gain a stronger position, because if you respond with violence, it means you take their words serious. When you respond with bad words back, or with violence, it means you take their words as truth and you want to stop them saying it. You will probably say to me; 'Dear Arnold I don't take them serious, but it makes me angry'. If this is really so, why can't you then ignore their words? Why do you NEED to respond? Ponder on this. Because you feel your position is attacked, and you want to defend it. But when you defend, it means the other side is seen as a threat that can take on a stronger position. They want to affect you, hurt you, reach you. When you response with anger, it means they have succeeded. Well you don't want to pleasure them with that don't you?

So what is the best response then? You must response in such a way that you show you are not affected by their words, that they cannot reach you because you are way above them in psychological strength and thinking. Violence shows your weakness, bad words back also shows your weakness as you lower yourself to their level. So there is one response that not only preserves your stronger psychological position, but also shows these people cannot affect you:

25:63 The true servants of the Beneficent are those who:

- Walk upon the earth humbly. - And when the ignorant ones address them, they say, "Peace!" (3:138, 22:41, 31:17-18).

28:55 (Additionally) whenever they hear vain talk of ridicule, they withdraw from it decently and say, "To us our deeds and to you yours - Peace be upon you! We do not seek out the ignorant." (25:72)

When you response with this, you show to them they cannot affect you. You must take their insults as compliments! Because it shows they are jealous of you and see you as a stronger person. Take the strong position and you will come out as the better one. Trust me and try and you will see.

Arnold Yasin Mol
Our Beacon Group
www.ourbeacon.com

Shahu · Post by **Shahu** » Wed Mar 14, 2007 2:13 pm

Brother Arnold has put it very nicely. Here is an example:

In the recent past,once a reformer of Dehlavi family was giving sermon in public.A person full of hatred against him stood up ,interrupted him in the middle and asked,"I have heared that you are a ******* ,is this true?"

"No,the witness(gawaah)of the marriage of my parents are still alive,you can confirm."He replied and continued his sermon .

Shahu

Our Beacon Committee · Thu Mar 15, 2007 4:17 pm

Post deleted, had nothing to do with the thread.

Sidqi · Post by **Sidqi** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 7:43 pm

May i add this beautiful ayat to Brother Arnold's Beautiful answer, since Anger is a natural reflex against Abuse.

3:134 The candidates to this Paradise keep their wealth open for others in favorable as well as in adverse circumstances. They divert and sublimate their anger and potentially virulent emotions to creative energy, and become a source of tranquility and comfort to people. They pardon people gracefully. For, Allah loves the benefactors of humanity.

Sidqi. ca

Dr. Shabbir · Post by **Dr. Shabbir** » Sun Mar 18, 2007 2:39 am

41:34 (Since good conduct and bad conduct cannot be alike), repel evil words and deeds in a way that is decent. And, behold, he, between whom and you there was enmity, may become as though he was your bosom friend!

41:35 Yet, none is granted this quality but those who exercise patience and restraint. And none is granted it except those who become worthy of great happiness and good fortune. This quality can make you outstandingly successful, winner. (‘Zu-hazzin azim’ = Extremely fortunate, includes the two meanings rendered here).